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By: Roderick Glossop

When the press office of the Greek Embassy in Dublin, Ireland sends out an e-mail to a Macedonian political party calling shame upon it, and declaring that “you are gays, you need bashing,” one comes to realize why, even not including the lovers’ tiff currently happening between Serbia and the newly declared nation of Kosovo, the Balkans are called the powder keg of Europe.

All this and Winnie the Pooh is still at large?

The Balkans today are almost as lively as they were in the early 90s, when this author (then about 12 years old) had the good fortune to attend a mixed Serb and Croat wedding with a highlight reel that started with wild accordion music at the reception and ended with fistfights and screaming in languages he barely even knew existed.

So what’s up? Well, it’s simple, really. Macedonia, the only former Yugoslavian republic not to ignite a competition between rival ethnic groups to see just how many villagers could fit into various 20 foot x 20 foot pits in its successful bid for independence, is aspiring to join NATO in April of this year.

But...

Greece (The Hellenic Republic), overly protective of their own province of Macedonia (and some tourist dollars, too – it’s the birthplace of Alexander the Great!) has never recognized the name the Republic of Macedonia nor established full diplomatic relations since independence was declared on September 8th 1991, fearing that the name and the ancient Greek motif of a Vergina Sun (a stylized sun with sixteen rays) on the Macedonian flag were not-so-subtle gestures towards extra-territorial irredentist ambition (rumours that Macedonian state radio was daily broadcasting “You’re The One That I Want” from the hit musical Grease were unfounded). To keep the tiny nation in its little britches (probably OshKosh B’Gosh), Greek imposed an economic embargo. That embarago was eventually lifted in 1995 after Macedonia removed the offending Vergina and promised never to cast a silberblick east-ward.

The Greek foreign minister Michalis Papakonstandinou would declare, in relation to Macedonia, that “Greek interests demand that this state survives … It must exist” in 2005, but as UN-appointed mediator Matthew Nimetz recently found out, not under the name “Macedonia.” The third such attempt by the UN Special Envoy failed earlier this month, after trying his hand with five alternative names for Macedonia: Constitutional Republic of Macedonia, Democratic Republic of Macedonia, Republic of Macedonia, Independent Republic of Macedonia, New Republic of Macedonia, and Republic of Upper Macedonia. All were rejected.

While one thanks god every day that the West Indies and India, not to mention Moscow, Idaho and Moscow in Russia are so far apart – there are more than enough spats over nomenclature and name-claims by testy neighbours to go about – we can still extract some small bit of enjoyment from this. Anyone wanna venture some guesses as to what the next slate of proposed names for Macedonia will be in advance of the NATO summit next month?